Tying Up Loose Ends

 

 

I am notorious for starting projects....big projects....and then losing interest and moving on.  This winter/spring, I have tried to go through my stash of unfinished projects, deciding whether or not they are worthy of my time, and choosing to either finish them up or throw them out.  Actually, I have been trying to do this with all aspects of my life - deciding what is worthy of my time, what enriches my life and what doesn't, and where they fit into my priority pyramid.

 

My family is at the pinnacle of that pyramid - their needs, wants, dreams and desires.  There's nothing more satisfying to me than supporting those I love.  I like to think I've become very skilled at it.  This alone tends to take up most of my time.  Farm comes second. What little bit is left over is divided among friends, extended family, and personal interests/fulfillment...hence all the unfinished projects.  I am not complaining, I just need to simplify, prioritize, and weed out the unnecessary.  It's proving harder than it should be. I have a hard time not trying and wanting to do it all.

 

With all the time I invest in being a mom, although validating and fulfilling, I tend to lose myself - who I am aside from that role.  That is another thing that has made me somewhat unsettled.  I can see my children learning, growing, and moving on.  Once they are gone, which is a good thing, I don't want to be left feeling empty, wondering who I am and what I have to offer.  I am working through these things just like I am working through my drawers of projects.

 

So in honor of my ramblings and that it was National Quilting Day yesterday (I think), I am posting some pictures of a quilt I started for Hannah about 5 years ago.  It is fittingly named Farmer's Daughter.  It's pretty detailed.  It consists of two different types of blocks.  The Farmer's block:

 

 

I've done them in multiple colors.  I like to think they look like fields with pivot irrigation.  Then there are 64 red star blocks.  I've used 8 different reds.  Hannah's favorite color has always been red.

 

I've gotten through 2 of the 8 fabrics and started on the third. Only 47 blocks left to go.  Each block takes about 20 minutes - probably less for someone more skilled.  I keep telling myself  "just a couple blocks a day" and I will get there. 

 



 

 Although my quilts never end up perfect, they are a perfect metaphor for life. You take scraps, organize, put them in place and create something new, hopefully useful, and maybe beautiful.  Wish me luck....I need it.



Walter

 

 There seem to be few "real" people left in this world; the ones that truly live what they believe.  Last week the world lost one of those few. 

 

 My first encounter with Walter Knapp happened when I became friends with his son, Brent.  He was always so gracious and welcomed me into their home...maybe it helped that I was willing to gather worms out in the pasture.  What a fun memory from that time.

 

As life moved on and I got married, I was fortunate to be once again acquainted with Walter.  He was a dairyman and so was my husband.  Both families had been in the industry a long time and had spent time together showing cows at the fair, working on co-op boards, and association through our community.  Both David and I have fond memories of Walter.  As time moved along and things have changed, Walter did not.  No matter what the circumstance, he was always willing to stop for visit, ask how we were doing, inquire about the farm, and ask "well, what do you know?". 

 

If ever there was a man that truly loved people, regardless of differences or short comings, it was Walter Knapp.  When David phoned me to tell me of his unfortunate situation.  We both were a little astonished at the emotion that overcame us.  Why so many tears?  Then again, why not?  He was a man with a big heart, a big voice, and willing to express his joy.

 

During a long drive home after hearing, all I could do was think of a way to honor him and the words that would describe such a great man.  Following is my tribute to him:

 

Up before dawn

A cathedral of stars

His form of worship

Life on a farm.

The care of his land

Animals to keep

Well being of his neighbors

Other's needs there to meet.

In the shadow of his mountain

Heritage held dear

Tradition was honor

To his soul was kept near.

Family his glory

The circle so large

His greatest accomplishment

Patriarch, his charge.

Salt of the earth

A life savored best

By doing what's right

Toil without rest.

An honest day

An inclusive heart

A man of his word

Joy to impart.

 

The light of humanity is a little dimmer in your absence.

You will be missed - your smile, kind words, and positive outlook.

May you rest in peace.

The Negatives to Only Being Positive

There are times in my life when I wish I weren't so flawed.  The sad truth is, we are all imperfect whether we try and hide it or embrace it and let it help us connect with others.  Life, itself, is flawed....hopelessly, flawed. 

 

 

 

I have heard it expressed that we would all be better off if we would only focus on the positives - never criticize or voice concern.  I do believe, at times, this can be true...to some extent, but question what would be the outcome if we didn't acknowledge the hard parts of our lives or the pain and suffering of others?  Would there ever be change?  Would we address the issues and imperfections that hold us back or would we gloss over their existence, learning nothing and spinning in a circle?  A merry-go-round can be fun, but for me it has only ever caused me to become a little disoriented with my surroundings and distort reality. In contrast, moving forward, even if it's an uphill climb and difficult, feels much better once at the top.  A conquering sense of accomplishment over an imperfection can be one of the most exhilarating experiences one can have.  Progress is positive, but we can't move forward without first being honest about where we are.

 

So here is the question:  where is the balance?  I believe it is a very fine line; trying to look for the positives and have hope while earnestly trying to improve ourselves, others, and our surroundings. Life can be overwhelming with hardship and uncertainty.  I think the simple idea of only being positive can bring momentary peace of mind, but feels disingenuous when there is so much that can be improved on.  It also seems to take away a sense of empowerment and responsibility, that you have within you the ability to change something....anything really, but must simply accept what is and look at only the good it has to offer whether it's overall value is a net positive or negative.  Plus, how marginalizing is it for another, when speaking of their own struggles, is told to only look for the good, instead of validating what could be a very painful existence?

 

I had a good friend share with me a blog post that takes a deeper look at how the illusion of or delusion that we are supposed to be "happy" all the time can be limiting and detrimental.  You can find it here:  http://bravetheworld.com/…/01/27/cult-happy-tool-submission/ 

 

I have really tried to examine my own behavior when it comes to being positive or negative and have come to the conclusion that for me, the barometer will probably fluctuate.  There will be times when I am wallowing in self pity and need to adjust my sails and take in the positives that surround me because I am immensely blessed.  Then there will be other times, when it's uncomfortable, comes at a personal cost, or doesn't affect me at all but could help alleviate another's suffering, that it's necessary to shine a light on something less than sunny.  Ignorance is not always bliss.

 

I have a movie that I love.  I can watch it over and over and over and....  Anyway, I think it expresses exactly what I am talking about.  Here's a clip:

 

 

If you haven't seen Silver Linings Playbook, you should.  If you have, watch it again and be inspired to look for the silver linings in life while also dealing with the hard stuff.  It's not about being perfect or appearing to be so, it's about striving to be better, to do better, and making this world a better place for all.  During some of the most difficult times is when the true beauty of life is revealed.  Excelsior!, my friends!!