My Personal Inversion

It's been awhile since I have blogged.  Not that anyone can tell, but I have had an aversion to even logging into my blog.  Why?  I don't know.  I guess sometimes we just need a break from things....even good things.  It's been a nice outlet for me to blog, but lately, I have felt less than inspired to do anything.  What is wrong with me?

I hear a lot of people talk about having Spring Fever.  I suppose that is what you call it when you are ailing from a longing for sunshine, green grass, and the ability to go outside without your nose hairs freezing.  (Or is it when you start feeling more frisky than normal?)  Anyway, I'm not sure if this is what is causing me to want to jump out of my skin or if it's my lack of desire/creativity.

The only way to describe how I feel, is to say that I feel trapped.  Trapped in my house, trapped by the weather, trapped by my responsibilities, and trapped by my own attitude.  Yes, I feel like Randy in that obnoxious snow suit and I want to yell through my suffocating scarf, "I can't put my arms down"!

Sometimes I wonder if this funk I am feeling isn't weather induced, but is due to my age.  Don't women have "issues" around forty?  Can I blame it on my hormones?  Those poor hormones seem to get blamed for more than their fair share....but then again, they do cause us all so much suffering, why not blame them?  Could it be a midlife crisis?  Hell, I hope not!!

On my path to recovery, I saw this posted to my friend's facebook wall.  It seemed to resonate and I shared it there, so sorry for the repeat here.

I commented on her post, as did other friends.  One lady had this to say "Why? "Busy" to me implies accomplishing things, being involved. What does it mean to you if you find it negative?" 

 I went on to explain, that to me, "busy" is doing without purpose.  She followed up my comment with "So what do you call doing WITH purpose?".  This got me to thinking.....and evaluating the feelings of frustration that I have been struggling with lately.  I still haven't come up with a word that would describe "doing with purpose", but I do know that I want to live "with purpose".

As I looked at the things that have occupied my time lately, I realized that I have been living with an imbalance in my life.  The scale's a little heavy on the busy side and light on the purpose side.  I need an adjustment.  This is what I have been trying to achieve, as of late.

So why my break from blogging?  I guess like a lot of other endeavors, it started out fun and then it turned into a "to-do", and finally it felt like a burden.  With all the other "to-do"s that I can't ignore, this was one of the first to go.  I guess I have realized that I shouldn't feel like I have to blog, I should just do it when I feel like I want to or when there is a "purpose".

I do realize that as long as my life is filled with children, it will also be filled with some kind of "busy".  This is unavoidable and a small price to pay for those sarcastic, crazy, fun, lovely creatures that are my kids, but I am ready to do a little spring cleaning of the unnecessary, non-purpose things that somehow have found their way onto the "to-do" list and clutter my mind and my well-being.

So, I am going to open the window, let the fresh air of optimism and creativity fill the corners of my cluttered mind and blow off the dust of monotony.  I will plan fun adventures with my friends, take time to watch good movies, and see the value and beauty of being still. 

 Don't all hamsters need a break from their wheel at least once in awhile?

(Did I just equate myself to a rodent?  Wow - that's an all time low...)

*Also, I would love to hear your word/words for "doing with purpose".