Setting the Record Straight

My weekend was mostly filled with joy and the laughter of family at home.  Amid the ciaos, there was one event that I have tried to push to the back of my mind, but it keeps bubbling up and then bringing me down.  I have tried hard not to address it in one way or another because I loath drama and I feel like I would only be opening myself up for criticism and judgement - which doesn't promote any kind of love or understanding.  With all that said, I feel the need to set the record straight and possibly avoid some questions.  I do realize that writing this post might also cause more questions, but answers to those questions are personal and as I try to respect others' rights to their own journey, I would hope that those who care about me most, would do so in return.

I believe it is no secret that David and I are no longer active in our faith.  This was not a rash decision that we made to convenience our desires to be worldly, immoral, or lazy. This decision came after years of thought, study, and prayer - all the things that we were raised knowing were best in making life decisions.  We truly tried to make sense of the things that were uncomfortable to us, but we realized that this was impossible for US.  The morality that we were raised trying to attain, kept us from shelving our questions.  I am not assuming that this need be the case for anyone other than myself and David, as many can push aside questions or take things on faith.  Wherever anyone finds peace and the inspiration to do good, I honor and have no desire to disrupt.
 

  Making such a decision has not been easy for many reasons. There are the questions that many have of why, the social fallout for our children and ourselves, and the isolation of not being able to express the myriad of emotions and thoughts that you are experiencing because they will be misconstrued as an agenda.  I have neighbors that will not wave at me anymore, as if all the good that once made "me" has been lost through my disaffection.  All of these things I have learned to deal with.  They are all consequences of my decision to remove myself, but in an effort to be respectful of others', I have left my life open to speculation.  I have heard rumors that I/we have been offended, that we are angry, or that we have been led astray by anti- mormon literature.  All of these are false.  I wanted nothing more than to continue in the way of my heritage and to make sense of all of it, but I have now realized that for me personally, I am happier just accepting that it is not the place of inspiration and peace that it once was.  I was very sad for a long time, but I have found peace with my decision and I am happy.  I am happy wrestling with the questions and living my life with as much integrity as possible, not by doing what will keep me popular or above scrutiny.

I know that talk will happen and most just try and fill in the blanks with reasons of why.  This might make them feel more at peace, but when the rumors are so far from the truth, they are hurtful and sting.  I heard over the weekend that a rumor is floating that David and I are getting divorced.  At first it was laughable, but as I pondered who had said this and was passing it on, it became very hurtful, so I felt a real need to set the record straight.  I have done some questionable things in my life, but choosing to marry David is the one truth that I have never questioned.  This is what has sustained me through all of the difficult times.  We are truly best friends and our love and devotion for each other is solid.  David is the most wonderful husband and father that anyone could ask for.  I know a good thing when I see it/got it. He and the children are my world and that is where I find my peace and joy.  End of story......or at least I hope so.

I love my life and this man.

*I view this post as a declaration.  I would ask that no one try to engage me about who/what/when this happened, as more gossip isn't the answer.  I just needed to clear my head.  As for those of you that had no idea about my inactivity, I would hope that you could still see me for who I am and love me regardless of what you feel are my flaws and I will return the favor.  I would also respectfully decline any inquiry as to why we are no longer active as the discussion seems to bring about more misunderstanding than not.  Peace and love to you all.

Fun with Flora

Yesterday I was lucky enough to spend the whole day with my niece, Flora. I say "lucky", because my brother and sister-in-law actually asked my oldest daughter, Emilee, if she would babysit while they went to the Sundance Film Festival.  How fortunate I was that Emilee had class all day and that they accepted my offer to come and play. 

Our time together was mostly spent on the floor with toys.  A few pictures were taken and I laughed a lot.  I think the best part was rocking her to sleep.  That's when I remembered how much peace a baby can bring.  What a precious time for me.  She won't remember a thing, but I won't forget our one on one time together.

Flora's funny squishy face.

Growling at me.

Eager to learn to crochet.

What a sweet baby!

Thank you Ryan and Heidi - what a treat!!

Media Monday

In an endeavor to organize my thoughts and my blog, I have decided to cover certain topics on certain days.  Monday has been deemed Media Monday.  This is where/when I get to share any form of media that I have found inspiring over the past week.  To launch this idea, I have decided to share a magazine that inspires me.  It's a little difficult to find.  It's not mainstream enough to be found at your big box stores, but can be found at JoAnn's or other various crafting stores.

I believe that it's published in the UK.  It is beautifully inspiring, filled with photos, patterns, and spotlights of different artists.  It's a little more pricey than some, but it always comes with a little "freebie" that you can use in making one of the crafts in the magazine or use in one of your own. 

This issue came with a calendar for the upcoming year.  The photos are amazing and inspiring - in makes you want to jump inside and live there.

I've decided to use my calendar to schedule out my creative endeavors, aside from my everyday, crazy, run around duties that govern most of my life.  My time being creative is special to me and so it's planning should have a special place all it's own.

It would seem wrong on Media Monday to not mention the inauguration of our new president.  What a great opportunity to visit with my children about the workings of our government and the great freedoms we are lucky enough to be granted simply by being born in the right place at the right time.  Also, the fact that it is taking place on Martin Luther King Day is significant.  Many choose to complain about the loss of personal freedoms, but we live in a time where more freedoms have been granted to more people than at any other.  I am happy and blessed to be an American and days like today help me to refocus, not on what I think is wrong, but with all that is so right.  We have come a long way and for that I am proud.  Happy Monday to you all.

From Mirror....

"From mirror, to window, to door"

I ran across this quote this morning.  I jotted it down quite a few months back from a lecture I heard while at a women's conference in Moab, Utah.  I really can't remember the context of which the quote was taken, but it's not necessary as all things speak to us differently at different times.  I have pondered on it and have come to find it brilliant.

We look in mirrors everyday.  We check our hair, our teeth, our makeup.  We worry so much about how others will perceive us that we tend to only focus on the attributes at the surface, but are these attributes truly what define us?   I hope not.  How often to do we pick up our mirrors and really look at who we are?  Do we see what those around us see?  Our faults?  Our strengths?  Our potential?  Or, is all of it too hard to deal with?  It's so much easier to slap on some lipstick and call it good.

The first of a new year is always a good time for self evaluation.  So many of us do it and so many of us lose sight of it a week or two in.  Change is hard and it takes time.  But most importantly, it takes a vision of what COULD be and resolve to make it so. 

Like looking out a window, as you step closer to who you truly are and your potential, your view expands as to what is possible.  To see your potential and how it can affect others and the world around you, can be overwhelming, yet empowering.  It's like admiring a beautiful landscape through a window, dreaming of what adventures you could have if you only had the courage to make it so.

Opening the door, the door that is the possibility of all that you could be, is the scariest part.  In opening the door, you open up yourself to criticism and maybe even ridicule.  That is difficult.  It's not like having a bad hair day that you can fix tomorrow, it's a judgement of who YOU are.  The trick is learning that the joy of the adventure truly outweighs the dismissal of your endeavors.  Those who want to judge will judge and those who are willing to embrace and love will choose to do so regardless.

I have so many beautiful examples of courage in my life.  Those women who embrace possibility and face it head on and never look back.  These women are the ones that encourage me to look in the mirror, dream as I gaze out my window,  push me out the door with their enthusiasm, and believe in my journey.  Thank you for seeing ME - not the outside me, but the inside me.  Your love and enlightenment inspire me along my journey.

Hoop Dreams - Maybe...

I most definitely love my kids.  This means that I want to make them happy.  This also means sacrifice.  Every Mom knows that you spend a lot of time facilitating things for children because it is important to them, not you.  Motherhood isn't about you at all...

You see, five of my six kids love basketball.  Most of my children are taller than average, so it seems like a pretty good fit.  Anymore, to insure that they get the opportunity to excel at what they love, you must go above and beyond trying to help them improve their skills, learn to be aggressive, and also to play on a team with others.

This would be okay for someone with a couple of kids, or someone who's children didn't all love the same thing.  I would be lying if I didn't say that there are times I feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of time I spend running kids to and from practices and games, but it was all of my own doing.  Plus, you can't allow one to pursue his/her love and not the others.

So after this long rant about how picked on I am, I just want to say with all things considered, I am super proud of each of my children's determination, dedication, and their resolve to do their best.  When I stop long enough to catch my breath and look at it in a different perspective, I am getting way more back in return than I have invested.

Just wanted to share some pics of my kiddos.

Hannah driving in.

Lottie shooting.

Maren going up for the rebound.

Herman handling the ball.

Steven's lay up.

Even with all the time invested, they still miss shots, make mistakes, don't always get the credit they deserve, and deal with disappointment, but isn't that life?  That is really what I hope they take away - life lessons and skills.

Just to clarify.....I do not have NBA dreams for my children.  With all of the basketball, I wonder if we've been mistaken for that "crazy basketball family".  But really, who cares?  My kids love it and I love them, so there you go.

*Just a shout out to Elite basketball and their amazing coaches.  They have a lot to do with the progress my kids are making.  Thanks DB and Jeff!!

Missing Gigi

By the end of summer, I am really anxious for cooler weather and less to do outside.  Summer is an endless cycle of pipe moving, yard work, and sweating.  But just like most of you, I am currently wishing for warmer temperatures and some time out of the house.  Lately I've felt like a caged animal - scary as that might be.

In an effort to cheer myself up, I've been looking - while longing - at some inspirational photos of warm weather activities and thinking lovingly of my time spent with Gigi.  We spent so many hours together last summer.  There were exciting times, frustration, and a sense of satisfaction.  I truly long to be with her again.  Too bad she is covered with a tarp and all locked up for the winter.

I am anxious to be reunited, but until then, I have been inspired to do some fun projects that will enhance her beauty.  

I found this picture on pinterest, of course.  What better way to spend my time couped up in the house than making an afghan of granny squares for my sweet Gigi that once belonged to my granny?  I am excited to get going on this!  Here is some of the yarn that I bought...so bright and cheery!

I have this great book with a bunch of granny square variations.  Now the hard part, choosing which design to use.

 I am also gearing up to make some cute out door lights for her with cups, fabric, and a little modge podge.  Finally, I've been working on some fun projects with spray paint and thrift finds.  You can check those out under the Re-use, Re-purpose, Re-cycle tab at the top of this page.

We always seem to wish for what we don't have - cooler weather, warmer weather, more Symphony bars in the freezer...  Anyway, I will choose to be grateful for my time inside, because it's time that I can get ready for some fun in the sun!!

Cross Over the Bridge

I just heard some sad news.  During Lottie and my Sunday tradition of watching the CBS Sunday Morning News, I was made aware that, last Tuesday, Patti Page passed away.  

A lot of my peers, I imagine, have no idea or would care much of her passing.  I, on the other hand, am slightly saddened.  You see her Greatest Hits album is like the soundtrack to the time spent at Grandma and Grandpa Fonnesbeck's house.

My love of Patti Page was born of convenience.  When Grandpa wasn't out in the yard playing with us, he was in the front room, watching golf.  We didn't really care who was up by how many strokes, who'd just birdied hole 16, or who'd just won the coveted green jacket.  We just didn't want to sit and watch that boring sport.  During these times is when Grandma would have us dust her dining room table legs for a quarter.  I'm sure this was done to curtail our rambunctious nature while inside.  Our task was always done to the sounds of Patti Page.  We would start the record, crawl under her ornate table and spend the first couple of songs dusting.  Then we would finish out the record while visiting, singing along, or dancing.

We all became very familiar with Patti and her classic songs.  How happy I was a few years back when I found her Greatest Hits on CD.  I immediately ordered it and spent a day sewing and thinking of my grandparents who had passed away years previous.  It was so fun to hear those songs as an adult and realize her musical talent on a new level.  I love old music.  It was long before autotune and the other technological advances that artists use today.  You know that what you hear is REAL.  Here's one of my favorite songs.  It also seems fitting somehow to share it, since she has crossed over to another place.

Now, I am headed upstairs to dig through my stack of CDs in hopes of honoring her and my grandparents today.

Being Grateful To Be Uncomfortable

As this year has come to an end, I can only be grateful.  The past year has been filled with many wonderful moments spent with family and friends.  It also included many new adventures and opportunities that have pushed my limits and helped me to better understand myself and the world around me. Sometimes it is only when we move out of our comfort zone that we discover things we never imagined.  I found this quote and love it.

"Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it's a small price to pay for living a dream."
Peter McWilliams

So, like everyone else, I have been evaluating my year and making my own resolutions on how to better myself and benefit those around me.  There are some dreams that I would like to pursue, some crazy ideas to investigate, and a lot of hard work ahead, but I want to push myself to be "uncomfortable".

One of the crazy ideas that I have been tossing around came to me over a the past few months.  It will take me out of my comfort zone and probably make others wonder about my sanity.  I have set up another blog to record my thoughts about my journey of self discovery and insight.  You can check it out @ www.skirtingit.blogspot.com.  Here's a picture to give you some kind of idea of what I will be doing.

I hope you will check it out, as I would love to have you travel this strange journey with me.  Isn't any road traveled more enjoyable when accompanied by friends?  I say, yes!